i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
