OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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