well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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