She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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