I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
