my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
