He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
