i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
