for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
