i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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