Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
