it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
