Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
