Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
