Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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