Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
