I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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