he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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