i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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