Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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