Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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