is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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