Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Drake has all the answers
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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