hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
