My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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