Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
