Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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