i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
