girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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