so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
