That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
