my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
