but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
