there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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