so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
