Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
