hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the day after is always just damage control
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
