Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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