I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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