the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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