it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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