Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
