Christians are straight up FREAKS
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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