Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize