You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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