"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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