He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
