Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
