No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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