He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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