I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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