I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
