Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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