I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
