you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
