What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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