just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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