hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
