We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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