can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
