We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
As shirtless as possible
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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