i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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