I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
