she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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