Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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