Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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