He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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