only if we run a train.
done.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
