Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My vagina is very pro this idea
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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