this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
